


All's Fair In Love And War.

by Saltandburnboys



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Abuse, Abusive!Jeffrey Dean Morgan, Asshole!Jeffrey Dean Morgan, Hurt/Comfort, Infidelity, Insecure!Jensen, M/M, bottom!Jensen, hurt!Jensen, protective!Jared
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-07
Updated: 2019-05-07
Packaged: 2019-06-23 12:24:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 17,469
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15606222
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Saltandburnboys/pseuds/Saltandburnboys
Summary: Jensen's off limits.Completelyoff limits in every way. Unfortunately for Jared, his heart doesn't seem to care...





	1. Chapter One.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Somersault-j](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Somersault-j), [lightinthehall](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lightinthehall/gifts).



**All's Fair In Love And War.**

**Chapter One.**

**Jared.**

Jared's just about to go home for the day when the phone on his desk rings. Grabbing his jacket with one hand, he picks the phone up with the other. 'Hey, Jared,' Jeff says down the line, 'I need you to do me a favour. It's my anniversary,' Jared rolls his eyes, sure Jeff is about to ask him to go and buy something for his husband for him, which is at once both tacky and inappropriate, 'and I'm meant to be having dinner with Jensen in half an hour, but...something's come up.'

As if on cue, a distinctly feminine giggle echoes in the background, and Jared's mind flashes back to Katie from Accounting walking into Jeff's office fifteen minutes ago. He didn't think anything of it at the time but now...

Wow.

And on his anniversary too?? Jared's opinion of his new boss instantly takes a nose dive, and he's barely able to keep the disdain from his voice when he asks, 'What would you like me to do, sir?'

'Jeff, kiddo, Jeff,' Jeff reminds him with a laugh, no hint of remorse or guilt about cheating on his husband, and Jared's grip on the phone tightens. Jared might only have met Jensen once, a brief introduction at Jared's first office party two weeks ago, but no-one deserves to be treated this way. 'Can you just go to the restaurant, pick him up, and take him home for me? Maybe sweet talk him a little; tell him I'm handling something really important that just couldn't be put off.'

Jared grinds his teeth as he glares at Jeff's office door. 'What restaurant is it?'

'Georgio's, down on Third.' Jared waits for Jeff to hang up now he's given Jared all the information he needs, but instead, Jeff adds, 'I know this isn't exactly in your job description, but I really appreciate it.'

And there's just so many things Jared wants to say to that - things like: this isn't even _close_ to being in his job description, and how Jared would really appreciate him _not_ using him to cheat on his husband, and that Jeff's husband deserves better than this shit. 

So many things that would get him fired, and he has to remind himself just how much he _needs_ this job so he can to force himself to lie and say, 'It's no problem' instead of all the things swirling around in his head.

He hangs up before Jeff can say anything else; he's not sure his stomach could handle another word from the man right now. Pulling his jacket on, he casts one last scornful look at Jeff's office before storming out the door.

*****

It takes him less than fifteen minutes to get to the restaurant - Jared wants to get this over as soon as possible - and less than one to locate Jensen.

He's sitting in a booth on his own, dressed in a plain but expensive looking black suit, his hair meticulously styled, tearing nervously at his napkin. He's clearly gone all out for his anniversary...hell, Jared even spots a small gift lying next to his arm, wrapped in silver paper and finished with a green bow. 

_Goddammit._

He watches Jensen's eyes dart around the restaurant, anxiously searching, until they fall on Jared. His shoulders instantly slump, the hurt in his eyes quickly bleeding to resignation as he stares at Jared for a moment before dropping his gaze to the table. Even from where Jared's standing, he can see the way Jensen's hands shake as he reaches for the gift and slides it back into his jacket pocket.

Jared's across the room and standing next to the table before he even makes the conscious choice to move. 'Hey, Jensen,' he says gently. 'Look, I'm so sorry, but Jeff can't make it tonight.'

'Cause like hell is he gonna lie for the man, boss or no boss.

He's about to offer Jensen a ride home when Jensen looks up at him, and his eyes are so sad, so _lonely_ , that at the last moment, Jared changes his mind and says, 'Mind if I join you?' 

Jensen's eyes widen at that, and he shakes his head uncertainly.

'Thanks,' Jared says, sliding into the booth opposite Jensen and picking up a menu, 'I haven't eaten since lunch and I'm starving.'

'Jared, I don't...' Jensen trails off, and when Jared glances up from his menu, he sees Jensen giving him a confused look. He's also back to picking at his napkin again. Jared's heart clenches painfully in his chest, and he quickly lays the menu down and reaches across the table to still Jensen's nervous hands.

'If you wanna leave, I'll take you home, but...it's your anniversary, and I think you deserve a nice night out, okay?'

Jensen's still staring at him with wide, shocked eyes; he's not sure the guy's actually blinked since Jared sat down. Hoping to reassure him, he rubs his thumb soothingly across Jensen's knuckles, just once, before releasing his hands and sitting back. That at least seems to bring Jensen back to himself, and he says, 'You really don't have to do this, Jared. I'm not your prob...I mean, this...this isn't your responsibility.'

 _I'm not your problem._. That's what he was going to say. That, coupled with the look of resignation on his face when he saw Jared, and the casual acceptance of Jeff's absence, tells Jared this isn't the first time Jeff's let Jensen down like this. Not by a long shot. 

Pushing down another wave of anger, he forces a smile onto his face as he says, 'You're acting like a free steak is a hardship, Jensen. I mean, Jeff's paying, right? Maybe I'll even splash out and have a lobster too. Nothing like a little surf and turf, am I right?'

That startles a laugh out of Jensen, and Jared's smile instantly turns more genuine at the sound. Jensen might not be his responsibility, but he'll be damned if he's gonna leave him alone tonight.

'That's just...are you sure?? You've gotta have better things to be doing with your night than babysitting me, Jared?' Jensen replies, sounding utterly baffled, as though he truly believes spending the evening with him would be a waste of someone's time, and if that's not the most heartbreaking thing in the world, Jared doesn't know what is.

'Hmmm...let me think. Two Michelin Star steak, good wine, _great_ company,' his eyes flick up to Jensen's face just long enough for him to catch the slight blush his words bring to the man's cheeks, 'versus a night of 'Friends' reruns and work reports. Not exactly a hard choice, Jen.'

The nickname slips out before he can stop it, but when Jensen just reaches out to take hold of his own menu instead of correcting him, he doesn't take it back. He kind of likes how it feels on his tongue, and secretly hopes Jeff doesn't call Jensen that as well. He gets the feeling that Jeff doesn't really do pet names. 

'How about I get the lobster and you get the steak and...and we can share?' Jensen's smile is tentative as he raises his eyes to Jared's, like he's just waiting to get shot down, waiting for the other shoe to drop, and Jared's heart aches for him. 

'Sounds perfect,' he says, returning Jensen's smile with a bright one of his own, and knocking his knee companionably against Jensen's under the table. And just like that, they're off and running.

*****

To Jared's surprise, he actually ends up having an amazing time. What had started out as kind of a pity date has turned into one of the best nights he's had in a long time. Jensen is interesting and sweet and funny, even if _way_ too many of his jokes have a self deprecating bite to them that cuts Jared to his core. 

And he's gorgeous. Jared would have to be blind to not notice that. The first time he smiles, _really_ smiles, at Jared, it kind of takes his breath away. 

He loses track of time, so engrossed in his conversation with Jensen, so busy trying to get him to smile that smile again, and he's slightly startled when their waiter comes up to tell them that they're about to close up. Jared finally tears his eyes away from Jensen and looks around, shocked to see they're the last people in the restaurant. He hadn't even noticed everyone else leaving. 

Huh.

'Will I be charging your bill to the card on the reservation, sir?' the waiter asks, clearing away their empty glasses, and the three bottles of wine they've made it through tonight.

'Yeah, that would be great.' Jared flashes Jensen a quick, evil grin. 'And give yourself a $100 tip on top of that, okay?'

Jensen ducks his head down, huffing out a laugh, and Jared can't resist giving himself a mental pat on the back. Once the waiter's left them alone again, looking very glad that he got their table tonight, Jared slides out of the booth and reaches a hand towards Jensen. Which Jensen takes, after only a moment's hesitation, looking shyly up at Jared through his long lashes. 

And Jared suddenly feels winded all over again. So much so that he ends up pulling on Jensen's hand just a shade too hard, causing Jensen to stumble into him, palms coming to rest flat on Jared's chest, face inches from Jared's. Mouth so close, Jared can feel his breath against his lips. 

Close enough that if Jared were to lean forward just a little, they'd be kissing. And, fuck, Jared wants that. He wants it so badly he can taste it. 

Before he can give in to his desires though, Jensen stutters out an apology and steps back. He looks adorably flustered and heartbreakingly beautiful as he smoothes down imaginary creases in his suit, and it takes every shred of willpower Jared has not to drag him into his arms again.

 _He's married_ , Jared tells himself firmly, trying desperately to ignore the small voice in his head that instantly replies _So??_

_**So** he's in love with_ someone else. 

That's what clinches it. Jensen doesn't want this. He's just lonely, was probably flattered by Jared's attention; he doesn't _want_ Jared. And if Jared weren't so drunk right now, he'd have way a better control on his emotions. Yeah, that's...that's all this is. He's just really, really drunk, and it's messing with his head. 

Shaking himself slightly to clear his thoughts, he takes a deep breath and pulls out his cell to call a cab. 

Jensen's perched himself on the edge of the table now, long, slightly bowed - _Christ_ \- legs crossed at the ankles, head thrown back, displaying the soft curve of his neck perfectly. 

_Fuck_.

Jared forces himself to look away and focus on his phone. He's sure when he wakes up sober tomorrow, all...all of these feelings will be gone. He swallows tightly as his heart pounds in his chest and his fingers ache with the need to reach out and touch the beautiful man beside him.

Yeah, he's absolutely positive this'll all just...blow over.

*****


	2. Chapter Two.

**Chapter Two.**

'Jeffrey Dean Morgan's office,' Jared says, placing the phone between his ear and shoulder and going back to typing up the notes from Jeff's latest meeting.

'Hi, Jared, it's...it's Jensen.' That takes Jared by surprise and he immediately stops typing. Something's... _off_. Jensen's never called the office before, and his voice sounds odd, a little too breathless, and Jared frowns. 'Is Jeff there?'

He's not, of course. He left half an hour ago with Mindy - or Mandy? Something beginning with an 'M' and ending in a 'Y' anyway; Jared can barely keep track of the revolving door of men and women Jeff sleeps with behind his husband's back - from Marketing, and Jared's not sure he's even coming back today. Eyes narrowed, angry at Jeff for putting him in this position _again_ , he replies, 'Sorry, Jensen, he just went out.'

'Oh.' Jared can hear Jensen taking deep breaths on the other end of the line, and his worry ratchets up a notch. 'Okay, thanks...I...sorry to bother you.'

'Wait!' Jared all but yells before Jensen can hang up. 'Is everything alright? Are you okay??'

There's a long pause and Jared worries for a moment that Jensen might've hung up before he heard Jared, but then Jensen says, 'I...I fell down the stairs.' Jared's breath catches and his grip tightens on the phone. 'And...I hurt my arm. I think...I think it might be broken.'

Jared's up and out of his seat before Jensen's even finished talking. 'Have you called an ambulance?'

'No, no, I called a taxi...I didn't...I didn't wanna be any trouble. I didn't wanna make a _scene_.'

Now Jared knows what's going on, he can hear the slur in Jensen's words, how out of it Jensen is, so he pushes down the anger those words provoke - _make a scene_?? - and says, 'Okay, Jen, I'm gonna put the phone down now.' His heart clenches at the panicked little noise Jensen makes at that, and he rushes to add, 'Just on the desk, okay? So I can call an ambulance to come get you. I'm still here. I'm gonna be right back.'

'Oh...okay...'

'One minute,' Jared promises before placing the phone down on the desk. Picking up his own cell, he quickly dials 911.

'911, what is the nature of your emergency?'

'Hi, my friend's fallen down the stairs and broken his arm. I just spoke to him and he sounds really confused. I don't know if he hit his head or if he's just going into shock, but I'm pretty sure he needs to get to a hospital.'

'Alright, sir, can you give us his address and we'll send out an ambulance to pick him up.'

Jared rattles off the address and hangs up as quickly as he can so he can get back to Jensen on the other line. 'Jen, you still there?'

No answer.

 _Fuck_.

His heart's hammering against his ribcage, and he's really not sure what he's going to do if Jensen doesn't answer.

'Yeahhhh...'

Jared's eyes slip closed for a moment as he breathes a huge sigh of relief. 'Okay, Jen, the ambulance is on its way. Where are you now?'

'On...on the floor. I got dizzy.'

 _Fuck. Fuck._ Fuck.

'That's okay,' he says, even as his stomach churns with panic, 'you just stay there until the ambulance comes, alright? Is the front door unlocked?' Not that Jared really cares if they have to break it down to get to Jensen, but it'll be quicker if they don't. 

'Yeah.'

'Great. They'll be there in a couple of minutes, so when they knock, don't get up, just call for them to come in.'

'Okay.'

Jared's steadily growing concern spikes at Jensen's monosyllabic responses, at how distant his voice sounds, and his hands are shaking as he grabs his coat. 'You stay with me, okay, Jen?'

There's no answer from Jensen now, and Jared's increasingly tight grip on his cell phone is making it creak in protest. Thankfully, the line is still connected, so he hears when the ambulance finally gets there and takes Jensen away. He can't really make out what's going on, which isn't helping his worry any, but at least he's knows Jensen's in good hands as he lets himself into his car.

He's pretty sure he gets flashed by every traffic camera he passes on his way to the hospital, but he's even more sure that he doesn't give a shit.

*****


	3. Chapter Three.

**Chapter Three.**

Jared parks his car in the first available spot he sees and climbs out, scarcely even bothering to check the door is shut behind him before running towards the hospital's main entrance. As soon as he's inside, he hurries over to the reception desk. He must look quite a sight if the way the receptionist's eyes widen is any indication, but he doesn't let that stop him from panting, 'I'm here to see Jensen Ackles. He was just brought in with a broken arm?'

'Are you family?' she asks, and Jared winces. 

He's tempted to just lie and say he's Jensen's brother or something, but if she asks him for I.D., he's screwed. He really doesn't want to risk getting thrown out, so he won't even be able to see Jensen after he's been patched up. 

So instead, he decides to go with the truth, and just hopes the desperation and worry and panic he knows are painted all over his face are enough to convince her to give him a pass. 'No, but I...he's a really, really good friend, and he hasn't got anyone else.' Which Jared reasons is true enough; if Jeff's fine with missing anniversaries and fucking anything that moves behind Jensen's back, Jared's pretty sure he's not gonna care about something as non-life-threatening as a broken arm. 

'I'm sorry, but-'

'Please,' Jared begs. 'I was the one who called the ambulance for him. I _need_ to know he's okay. _Please._ '

She stares at him for a few long moments, and just when Jared's sure she's about to tell him 'no', her face softens and she looks down at her notes. 'He's being seen to now. Third floor, room 301. And if anyone asks, you're family, okay?'

'Thank you,' he breathes, barely resisting the urge to lean over and hug her. 

He rushes off towards the stairs, taking them three at a time, and he's more than a little breathless by the time he reaches the third floor, but that's not why his heart's racing. He knows it's only a broken arm, but...but Jensen sounded so bad on the phone. 

What if it's worse?? What if...

Shaking his head, he pushes those morbid thoughts away. Whatever it is, they'll deal with it. And he'll be there for Jensen 100%. 

When he finally manages to work up the courage to knock on room 301's door, an unfamiliar voice immediately calls, 'Come in.' The voice, unsurprisingly, belongs to the doctor standing beside Jensen's bed. Also unsurprisingly, Jared's eyes instantly slide from the doctor to Jensen, who's looking pale and exhausted and clearly in pain, but very much alive. 

Thank. God. 

The knot of tension in Jared's stomach loosens just a little then, but only a little because Jensen still looks like he's been through the ringer. He's still very obviously _hurt_. There's also a bruise high up on his cheek and his lip's spilt and swollen, and his right arm's encased in thick white plaster...and Jared's standing by his side before he even realises he's moved. 'Jesus, Jen,' he says in a choked voice. 'What have you gone and done to yourself, eh?' 

His eyes are starting to sting, and he's ridiculously grateful when the doctor chooses that moment to speak, catching Jensen's attention again and allowing Jared to blink his tears away before Jensen can see them. Jensen really doesn't need to be dealing with the minor breakdown Jared's on the verge of having right now on top of everything else. 'Jensen's had quite a lucky escape actually, Mr...'

'Padalecki, but you can call me Jared,' Jared says, not taking his eyes off Jensen.

'Okay, Jared,' the doctor says, not seemingly bothered by Jared's complete lack of manners. 'Are you alright with me filling Jared in on your condition, Jensen?' At Jensen's tired nod, the man continues, 'Well, like I was saying, Jensen's doing pretty well considering he fell down two flights of stairs.' Jared's stomach flops over at that, threatening to bring up his lunch. Two flights of stairs?? Two??? Fuck. 'He's got a broken arm as you can see, but it's a clean break, and I don't see any reason why we won't be able to take that off for him in about six weeks time. And as long as he does the exercises he'll be given by our physiotherapy department, I'm confident he'll regain full function.'

Jared doesn't even try to hold back the sigh of relief that whooshes out of him at the doctor's words. If nothing else, it helps curb his desperate need to bend down and press a soft kiss to each one of Jensen's injuries. And possibly climb into bed with him and hold him tight. Both of which would be creepy, and weird, and just...very, very bad.

'I'd like to keep him overnight for observation though. He hit his head pretty hard when he fell, and while there appears to be no brain damage on his X-ray or MRI, he's got a severe concussion, so I'd rather be safe than sorry.'

Jared just nods, because of course he's going to agree with whatever the doctor recommends. He's not about to risk Jensen's life for any reason, and it's not like Jared has plans for tonight...or, rather, no plans that he can't cancel, so he's totally free to keep Jensen company for as long as he's allowed to stay.

'Thanks,' Jared says eventually, still having a little trouble getting words passed his tight throat. 

'I'll be around if you or Jensen have any more questions, okay?' the doctor says as he slots Jensen's chart back into its holder at the end of his bed and leaves the room.

Once the door has closed behind him, Jared pulls a chair up to the side of the bed, and says, 'So how are you really feeling?'

'Like crap,' Jensen mumbles miserably. 'You...you didn't have to come all the way down here, Jared.' His voice is slurred with more than just pain now, and Jared would be worried - well, _more_ worried - if he wasn't so glad that they've clearly got him on the good stuff.

'Of course I did,' Jared argues, keeping his voice soft. No doubt Jensen's got one hell of a headache right now. 'Do you need anything?'

Jensen shakes his head once before wincing sharply and stilling the movement. 'No, thanks. Just wanna sleep.'

'Okay,' Jared says, leaning over Jensen to fluff his pillow a little. 

'I...I really like your hair, Jared,' Jensen blurts out then, drug glazed eyes staring up at Jared, and Jared freezes. 'And your eyes,' his hand shakes a little as it comes up to paw at Jared's face, 'and...and your smile.'

His eyes flutter closed and Jared thinks for a moment that he's fallen asleep, but then he slowly opens them again and asks, 'Why are you always so nice to me?'

The question hits Jared low in the gut, the confusion and barely concealed sadness in Jensen's voice making him want to rage, and for a second, he can't speak. Too many responses flash through his mind - _because you're amazing_ ; _because you deserve it_ ; _because the thought of you being hurt makes me want to punch something_ \- but he knows none of them are appropriate. Not for this moment. Not when Jensen's this vulnerable. So instead, he just catches Jensen's hand in his and says, 'Because you're my friend.' 

It's the truth, but not nearly all of it. He does see Jensen as a friend; it's just that he doesn't see Jensen as _only_ a friend anymore. Not that it really matters, since Jensen's married and...and it's just a little crush anyway. Jared's sure he'll get over it eventually.

Jensen takes that moment to shiver slightly, his eyes having already slipped shut again, and Jared's on his feet in an instant pulling the covers up with his free hand and tucking them securely around him. 'Jared?' Jensen says, clearly closer to asleep than awake now.

'Yeah, it's me,' Jared replies, passing a soothing hand through Jensen's hair. 'It's okay, you can go back to sleep. I'll watch over you.' The sleepy, contented smile Jensen gives him has Jared's heart skipping a beat in his chest as he sits back down. 

Yeah...he's sure he'll be over this thing in no time. About as sure as he is that the sky is actually orange, and water isn't wet, and the moon really is made out of cheese, that is.

*****


	4. Chapter Four.

**Chapter Four.**

Jared already knows what his boss is going to say, even before the man opens his mouth, when he's summoned into Jeff's office early Friday morning. The morning of his trip away with Jensen. Jared knows because he's the one who organised it for them, as an apology for Jeff missing their anniversary dinner a few months ago.

Which just makes what Jared suspects his boss is about to do that much worse. He honestly doesn't understand how this man, this self-centred, uncaring asshole, could possibly be married to someone as amazing as Jensen, he really doesn't.

He keeps his face carefully blank, though, as he enters the office and takes a seat, hoping, _praying_ , that he's wrong.

He's not.

'Look, Jared, I've got a bit of a problem with tonight,' Jeff says. 'I'm not going to be able to make it, so if you could just ring Jensen and tell him that it's off, and maybe cancel the reservation for me, I'd really appreciate it.'

The fact the man can't even be bothered to call Jensen himself has Jared's hands clenching into firsts on his thighs. He can't help it, even though he's sure Jeff can see them in his lap, but it's that or grabbing the guy by the collar and punching him in the face a couple of times. 

'Sure. Is there anything else?' Jared says tightly, pushing to his feet and already turning towards the door before Jeff can reply. He's so angry, he can feel himself shaking with it; he needs to get out of here and he needs to get out of here now.

'Tell him I'm sorry and that I'll make it up to him, yeah?'

'Sure,' Jared says again, even though he intends to do nothing of the sort. He made a promise to himself that he would never lie to Jensen on Jeff's behalf, even if he can't tell him the whole truth, and he has no intention of breaking that promise now.

He's out the door before Jeff can thank him.

*****

Jared decides to take a half day - Jeff fucking _owes_ him for making him do this again - and drives over to see Jensen instead of calling him on the phone to break the bad news. He knows Jeff's going to be busy for the rest of the day with his latest flavour of the week, so he doubts the man will even notice he's gone, and quite frankly, he doesn't care if he does. Especially not while all this anger is still burning hotly in his veins as he pulls into Jensen and Jeff's driveway.

He cannot _believe_ he's got to break Jensen's heart all over again, and it takes him a few minutes to work up the nerve to climb out of his car and walk up to the door. 

Steeling himself, he rings the doorbell. Almost instantly, the door swings open - Jensen must've been waiting right on the other side - and he's greeted with Jensen's wide smile and sparking eyes, 'I wasn't sur-'

His voice chokes off as soon as he sees that it's Jared, not Jeff, standing in front of him.

'Jensen, I'm so sorry...' Jared starts, but Jensen is already turning away and heading back into the house. 

'Jensen, wait!' Jared calls after him, following him inside. He finds Jensen in the living room, hunched over a packed bag, pulling clothes out and tossing them onto the floor.

He doesn't even need to see Jensen's face to know that he's crying. 

Before Jared can stop himself, he's striding over and pulling Jensen into a hug. Jensen's stiff in his arms for all of a second, before he melts into the embrace and clings back. He's trembling, his wet face hidden in Jared's neck, and Jared's heart bleeds for him, just like it did in that restaurant all those months ago. 

How can anybody treat someone like this? Someone they claim to love?? Someone who is so good and kind and sweet?? If Jensen was his, he'd die before he ever hurt him like this. If Jensen was his-

He cuts himself off. God. When did his little crush become _this_?? When did he fall in _love_ with Jensen?? He quickly casts his mind back over the last few months, and thinks that maybe...maybe this was never really a crush at all. He thinks, perhaps, he fell a little in love with Jensen the very first time he laid eyes on him, at that terrible party, and has just been falling deeper ever since. 

_Fuck_.

Jensen draws in a shaky breath then, and jolts Jared out of his thoughts. This isn't the time for him to have a freak out over maybe, possibly, _definitely_ being in love with the man in his arms. He can freak out later, once he's taken care of Jensen.

'Sorry,' Jensen says quietly, pushing out of Jared's arms, and Jared only just manages to catch himself...to _stop_ himself from reeling him back in. His fingers twitch with the need to pull Jensen close again, and he curls them into the legs of his pants to keep himself from doing anything stupid.

'I...I shouldn't have done that,' Jensen continues as he crouches back down next to his suitcase and starts repacking the discarded clothing. 'Thanks for letting me know, Jared.'

In the face of Jensen's bitter disappointment, and with the evidence of Jensen's pain still drying on his cheeks, Jared really doesn't think he can be blamed for the next words that come tumbling out of his mouth. 'Want to go anyway?'

Jensen's head snaps up and he peers at Jared through tear-reddened eyes. 'What?'

Jared shrugs, aiming for nonchalant despite the way his heart is hammering in his chest. 'Well, the room's already paid for, I can't get the money back now, so how about it?'

'I really don't want to go on a romantic weekend getaway on my own, Jared,' Jensen says, turning back to his suitcase.

Jared gives himself a mental slap for not being clearer before he kneels down next to Jensen. 'No, I mean, with _me_. I haven't got any plans this weekend, and, to be honest, after the last few months, I could do with a little stress relief.'

Jensen looks just as surprised as he did back at the restaurant when Jared made a similar offer, and Jared can't help reaching out to tenderly wipe his tears away. No-one this beautiful, this _good_ , should ever be this sad. 'Only if you want to though. I understand if you want to cancel, but I'm here if...' _you need me. For anything._ 'you still want to go?'

Jensen sits staring at him for a few moments longer, mouth slightly open, before he drops his eyes and says, 'You know you don't have to do this, right? Just...just 'cause you work for my husband, you don't have to do all this stuff for me.'

Jensen's eyes are steadfastly fixed on the dress shirt in his hands, and that just won't do for what Jared's about to say, so he reaches out again. 'Jen,' he says, raising Jensen's chin so the other man has to meet his eyes, 'that's not why I'm doing this. Any of this.'

'Really?' Jensen asks in a voice so quiet Jared barely catches it. Like he's afraid to ask. Like he's afraid Jared will take it back.

He has nothing to be afraid of though, not when it comes to Jared.

'Really.' And if this was a movie, and if Jensen wasn't married, and if Jared's life didn't suck _epically_ , Jared would be leaning in to press a kiss to those soft lips that have been calling to him for so long. But of course, this isn't a movie, and Jensen _is_ married, so Jared forces himself to pull his hand away instead. 

And if it looks a little like Jensen sways towards him, following his hand, following his touch, well...Jared's sure that's just wishful thinking on his part.

*****


	5. Chapter Five.

**Chapter Five.**

Okay, maybe Jared didn't think this through enough - or, you know, _at all_ \- because there are two major problems with this trip that he hadn't even considered before offering to take Jeff's place, the first of which becomes apparent as soon as they arrive.

'Here's your key, gentleman,' the reception says with a smile as she hands Jared a plastic keycard.

One keycard. For one room. With one bed.

Shit.

He doesn't know why he didn't think of this before; he's the one who made the goddamn reservation, for fuck's sake. Although, if he has to hazard a guess, he'd say it's probably got a little something to do with his preoccupation with Jensen on the ride over here. If Jared hadn't spent the entire drive shooting concerned glances over at him, making sure he was okay, he might've had time to think about other things. Like what a terrible idea this probably is.

'Um, is there any way I could book another room please?' Jared asks awkwardly, feeling more than a little stupid to be asking this at a couples resort, but it really can't be helped. He wants to make this weekend as enjoyable as possible for Jensen, and if that means him looking like a fool, then so be it.

'For tonight?' the receptionist replies, and Jared really can't blame her for the incredulous look she's giving him.

'Yeah, I snore,' Jared says, not really wanting to give her the actual reason. She likely doesn't care, and Jared's determined not to do anything that might cause Jensen further embarrassment. 'So badly, and I'd like my husband' - he resolutely ignores the stupid little flip his stupid little heart does as he says that - 'to actually be able to _relax_ on our relaxing getaway. I'm so sorry I didn't think of it before. I'm an idiot.'

Her expression thaws a little then - Jared's not sure if it's because of his little joke, or because of the dimpled smile he's sending her way - and she immediately starts clicking away at her keyboard. She looks genuinely apologetic when she raises her eyes and says, 'No, I'm sorry, we're fully booked for the whole weekend. There are ear plugs provided in all the rooms though.'

Dammit. Dammit. _Dammit_.

'Okay, don't worry; we'll be fine,' Jared says, not sure who he's trying to convince more: himself or the receptionist. He just really hopes the internal freak out he's currently having isn't showing on his face. 

Sharing a bed with Jensen. Having Jensen half naked and sleep-warm pressed up against him all night. It's a dream wrapped up in a nightmare, because it's the one thing Jared wants most in the world, but in the worst way possible. How on earth is Jared supposed to control himself, control his _body_ , while he's sleeping?? How is he going to get through this weekend without Jensen finding out how he feels about him and ending their friendship??

He's so busy wigging out that he doesn't even notice they've made it to their room until Jensen prods him in the side. 'Oh,' he says, before quickly moving to open the door for them.

'It's okay, Jared, I can sleep on the floor if you're not comfortable sharing a bed with me. If you _really_ don't want to, I mean...'

Jared whirls round to face Jensen then, and he's sure his shock must be obvious - did he say all that out loud or something?? - because Jensen just shrugs and says, 'You're already doing me a huge favour, Jared; I'm not about to force you into something you don't want to do.'

'Something Jared doesn't want to do??' It's so ridiculously far from the truth, Jared kind of wants to laugh. Or cry. He could pretty much go either way right now. Because Jared very much _does_ want to share a bed with Jensen, but he doesn't want it to be just for tonight. He doesn't want it to be because Jensen has no other choice. And he doesn't want it when it has the potential to ruin everything between them.

But Jensen's starting to get that sad look in his eyes again, like he thinks Jared's only here under sufferance, like he thinks it's something about _him_ that's making Jared want that second room. 

'No, it's fine, Jen, I promise,' Jared says, crossing the room to stand in front of Jensen. 'I'm just a bit of an octopus in bed, that's all, and I didn't want you to have to deal with that.'

The little white lie is totally worth it when Jensen's face immediately brightens. 'Ohhh,' he says, 'don't worry about that. I'm a bit of an octopus myself.'

Jared can't help the strangled noise that crawls its way up his throat at that, and he only just manages to cover it with a fake cough. 'You okay?' Jensen asks, looking up at Jared with a suddenly concerned expression as he places a comforting hand on Jared's arm.

'Fine, fine, just need something to drink,' Jared replies, moving away from Jensen to grab a bottle of water from the minibar. He doesn't actually need it, of course, what with the fake coughing and all, but it gives him what he _does_ need: a couple of moments to calm down. Without Jensen standing so close to him. Without Jensen touching him and staring up at him with those big, doe eyes of his.

'Alright,' Jensen says, still looking a little worried, but only about Jared now; that hurt, dejected look is completely gone, so Jared marks it down as a win. 'I'm just gonna go get ready to turn in,' he adds as he grabs some things from his bag and disappears into the bathroom. A few seconds later, Jared hears the shower start up.

Unzipping his own suitcase, Jared takes out the sweatpants and t-shirt he's going to be sleeping in and tosses them on the bed before lying down to wait his turn in the bathroom. 

It's a shame they were so late in arriving, because it means they've missed all the appointments Jared booked them for today, as well as dinner, but Jared had had to go home and pack before they left, and he'd had to call Jeff to tell him he was going out of town, so he and Jensen wouldn't be disturbed...or found out, all of which took time. At least they'll wake up refreshed for the day tomorrow, he supposes.

Well, _Jensen_ will be refreshed anyway; Jared's pretty sure he's not gonna get a wink of sleep tonight.

_'Won't you do this for me, son, if you can...'_

Jensen's voice drifts into the bedroom, and Jared's eyes, that had fallen closed, snap back open.

_'Forget your lust for the rich man's gold; all that you need is in your soul...'_

Jared can feel his heart pounding in his chest as he stares up at the ceiling, barely even breathing, letting Jensen's low, whisky-rough voice wash over him. It's beautiful, and Jared can't help but wish Jensen would turn off the shower so Jared could hear him properly, or...or maybe walk out of that steaming bathroom, naked and glistening, and give Jared a private performance.

 _Fuck._

The bathroom door suddenly swinging open jolts Jared out of his little fantasy - Jensen singing softly to him as he crawls across the covers towards him - and for a second, Jared thinks it might actually be coming true. Then the steam clears and he sees Jensen dressed in his pyjamas, rubbing a towel through his wet hair and no longer singing. 

Jared sits up so quickly in his effort to hide his raging hard-on, he's pretty sure he pulls something. Thankfully, Jensen doesn't seem to notice: too busy bending over - Jesus fuck - to get something out of his bag.

Jared all but sprints into the bathroom before Jensen _does_ manage to clock onto his strange behaviour, or before Jared just throws caution to the wind and kisses Jensen the way he's been imagining kissing him for weeks. The way Jensen _deserves_ to be kissed. All heat and passion and need, and, above all, love.

A real kiss for once. From someone who'd do anything for him; _be_ anything for him. From someone who wants to give him everything, and won't ask for anything in return.

But that's not what Jensen wants. At least not from Jared anyway.

*****

In his haste to get into the bathroom and away from Jensen, Jared somehow managed to forget his sleep clothes on the bed. Understandable, since there's never been a bigger distraction in the history of the world than one Jensen Ross Ackles, but annoying. Thankfully, he's taken care of his not so little problem in the shower, resolutely not thinking about the man he's about to platonically, very, _very_ platonically, share a bed with. He was totally thinking of a different tall, green-eyed, full lipped blond when he came all over his hand just now. Yep. Not Jensen at all.

But he's still gotta go into the cold bedroom and get his stuff, so with a sigh, he wraps a towel around his waist and exits the bathroom. 

'Hey, Jared, can I...' Jensen trails off as Jared appears next to the bed.

'Yeah?' Jared asks, leaning down to pick up his clothes and trying not to shiver in the cooler air of the suite. He really needs to turn up the thermostat when he's done in the bathroom. He realises then that Jensen hasn't replied, and, curious, he looks over at the other man where he's already lying under the covers.

Jensen's just staring at him. At Jared's chest actually. And Jared feels a little flutter of pride at Jensen's dumbstruck expression; Jared's worked freaking hard to get this body, and to have Jensen notice it is...well, all those long hours lifting weights in the gym feel suddenly worth it. He flexes just a little then - he can't help it; can't resist the temptation - before asking, 'You need something, Jen?' His voice comes out deeper than he intended, and he bites back a grin when it seems to startle Jensen out of the staring contest he's got going on with Jared's pecs. 

He flushes bright red as he finally raises his eyes to Jared's again. 'No. No, I...it's nothing.'

'Okay, see you in a sec,' Jared says, returning to the bathroom and finally giving into the smile that's been trying to make its way onto his face for the past few minutes. It's comforting to know the attraction between them isn't completely one-sided, even if he's positive Jensen doesn't want to be anything more than his friend. Makes him feel a little less of a perv, anyway, knowing that he's not the _only_ one looking sometimes.

*****

'Are those kitty pyjamas?' Jared says as soon as Jensen turns the lights out. There's still a little light coming in from the moon outside though, so he sees the way Jensen's lips twitch as though he's fighting a smile.

'I like cats,' Jensen says simply, not bothering to open his eyes. 'Don't laugh at me.'

Jared holds his hands up, even though Jensen can't see him. 'No laughing, I promise. I think they're adorable.'

And God help him, he actually does. 

'Uh-huh,' Jensen replies, and his voice sounds a little heavier now, a little slower with sleep. 'Night, Jared.'

'Night, Jensen.' He watches Jensen rub his cheek against the pillow just once before burying his face in it, and feels a fond smile curl his lips. 

Well, at least Jensen's cute kitty pyjamas have killed any chances of Jared getting a boner right now. He might actually be able to get some sleep tonight after all. 

Jensen, who is somehow already asleep, chooses that moment to scoot across the mattress and plaster himself to Jared's side, head resting on Jared's chest, arm slung across his waist.

Okay...maybe not.

*****


	6. Chapter Six.

**Chapter Six.**

The second problem doesn't arise until the next day when Jared realises that because he set this up for Jensen and Jeff, everything is booked in as 'couples sessions', and after another quiet word with the receptionist - thankfully a _different_ receptionist from the one last night so he doesn't look quite so crazy - she tells him that all the other appointments are also fully booked. 

And that's...fine. Just like sharing a room was fine, and sharing a bed was _fine_ , because Jensen is still married. Jensen loves Jeff and that's that. Even if Jeff doesn't deserve it. Or him.

None of that stops Jared's stomach from doing a little somersault when Jensen comes out of their bathroom dressed in one of the spa's fluffy white robes. Not when he knows that Jensen's likely naked beneath it. Not when Jensen looks so soft, so goddamn beautiful, standing there in front of him. 

His half hard dick is telling him that he really should take a turn in the bathroom himself so he can jerk off - _again_ ; God, Jensen is gonna be the death of him - before they go down for their first session, but his watch disagrees, since _it's_ telling him they only have five minutes to make it down to the treatment room before their appointment begins. 

Which. Is. Totally. Fine.

Jared's just...he's just gonna have to pull himself together, and maybe...not look at Jensen at all for the rest of the trip. Yep, that sounds like an _amazing_ plan that's gonna be super easily to implement, given that it's just the two of them and they're doing pretty much everything together the whole weekend. 

Let's be honest, at this point, 'denial' should freaking be paying Jared rent. He's thinks it's only fair considering the amount of time it's spending in his brain lately.

*****

The massage room is warm, almost hot, and the air is humid and thick with the scent of lavender. Jared already feels calmer just stepping inside and taking a deep breath...letting it wash away all the tension that built up inside him from riding in the elevator next to the greatest temptation God ever put on this earth. 

The door opens again a few moments later, and a man and woman step inside with them. The woman walks over to Jared and says, 'Mr Padalecki?' He nods absently as his gaze drifts over to the man walking towards Jensen. 

The very tall, very good looking man who is now leading Jensen to a massage table on the other side of the room. 

Jared looks away when Jensen goes to take off his robe, because while Jensen might have him completely twisted up right now, he's not a total creeper. That said, he still kind of wants to kill the guy who's about to put his hands all over Jensen.

 _It's his **job**_ , Jared reminds himself as he removes his own robe and climbs onto the table. He keeps his face turned away from Jensen and his hot masseur after that, for the sake of his own sanity. And so Jared doesn't get them thrown out for assaulting a hotel employee.

His plan is working out just fine, and he's actually starting to enjoy his own massage, right up until he hears a breathy little gasp from the other side of the room. His eyes instantly snap open, and his head swivels round to look over at Jensen before he can stop himself. An action he instantly regrets, because if there's one thing he really doesn't need burned into his brain right now, when his crush is already spiralling out of control, it's the sight of Jensen with his cheeks flushed, his plush lips slightly parted as he gasps and moans like he's...like he's about to...

Jared can't bring himself to look away though. It's like staring into the sun: he knows he shouldn't, knows it's bad for him, knows he's just gonna end up getting hurt, but Jensen's just so beautiful, Jared can't tear his eyes away from him.

Not even when Jensen suddenly opens his eyes too and their gazes lock. Jared tries desperately not to read anything into the fact that Jensen isn't looking away either. 

Or the fact that when Jensen finally does break eye contact, his eyes don't fall closed again, but instead sweep down Jared's body in a slow, casual caress that Jared feels even more keenly than the hands actually on his skin. 

Or the fact that Jensen's hands are fisted tightly in the sheet below him as he stares, his bottom lip caught between his teeth. 

But he's not sure he can ignore the unmistakable heat in Jensen's eyes when he lifts them back up to Jared's. Even if he has no idea what to do with it...or what it means.

*****


	7. Chapter Seven.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas, everyone! I hope you all have a wonderful holiday, and thank you so much for sticking with me and my stories this year, and for all of your kind comments and kudos. They truly mean the world to me. <333

**Chapter Seven.**

Jared's as hungry as a horse when he takes his seat at their table that evening. He doesn't know how people come here and just drink cucumber water and eat carrot sticks. He hasn't done anything but lounge around since they arrived, but he still feels exhausted, and the smells coming from the kitchen are fucking _incredible_. His stomach growls as he picks up the menu to look it over while he waits for Jensen to join him.

He doesn't have to wait long, Jensen was just finishing up in the bathroom when he called for Jared to go down and find them a table, and all thoughts of food are instantly forgotten as Jared watches Jensen make his way across the room towards him. He's wearing a dark green button-down, and his jeans look like they were tailor made, clinging to him in all the right places. His hair is meticulously gelled in stylish spikes, and he's giving Jared that soft, sweet smile that always takes his breath away, and tonight is no different. 

Stumbling to his feet, Jared hurries round the other side of the table to pull out Jensen's chair for him. It's stupid, and he feels a little dumb doing it because this isn't a date, but the way Jensen blushes and ducks his head shyly as he sits down makes it totally worth it.

'You look great,' Jared says, re-taking his own seat, because it's the truth, and because he gets the feeling Jensen doesn't hear stuff like that very often. And he _should_ , dammit. 

Jensen's blush deepens as he stammers out a quiet, 'thanks, you too.'

Jared gives an inner fist pump - _score_ \- before picking up the second menu and handing it to Jensen. 'Do you want to order some wine?' Jared would normally have a beer with his meal, but beer isn't a very date-like drink...not that this is a date. Obviously. 

'Sure,' Jensen replies, opening the menu and perusing the options, long eyelashes sweeping downwards as he does so. It's only when Jensen's gaze flickers back up to meet Jared's that Jared realises he's staring.

Coughing, he looks back down at his own menu, even though he's already decided what he's having...even though it really doesn't cover the way he was watching Jensen a few moments before.

Thankfully, Jensen's kind enough not to call him on it. He just closes the wine menu and says, 'Well, I'm going to have steak, so maybe a couple of bottles of the Merlot?'

Jared can't help the smile that curves his lips as he replies, 'Sounds good.' God, they're so alike...what's that saying? You can take the Texan out of Texas, but you can't take the Texas out of him, and that's never been more true than where he and Jensen are concerned. He's still grinning when the waiter comes over to take their orders. Their _identical_ orders.

*****

Unsurprisingly, their dinner is cooked to perfection, and if he hadn't just gobbled it up, and if it wasn't illegal, Jared would quite happily marry his steak. So, of course, when the waiter returns to their table and asks if they want dessert, Jared's enthusiastic 'hell, yes' pretty much drowns out Jensen's more sedate 'no, thank you.'

Jensen doesn't seem offended though, waving off Jared's apology with a laugh. And his offer to not have dessert either. 'Don't be silly, Jared, have whatever you want. I'm just stuffed.'

'Okay then, I'll...uh...have the cheesecake please,' Jared says, passing the dessert menu back to the waiter, and resolutely forcing the image of Jensen stuffed full out of his head. He's had far too much wine to be able to deal with that right now. Especially when Jensen's sitting there, giving him _that_ smile again, making him feel more content than he can ever remember feeling. Making him imagine things he has no business imagining like...Jensen smiling at him on Thanksgiving, after he's just finished off the last bite of Jared's mom's famous pecan pie; Jensen smiling at him at Christmas while Jared carves the turkey, just the two of them; Jensen smiling at him on Valentine's Day as he takes the roses Jared's bought for him.

All of which are ridiculous. Utterly, utterly ridiculous...and things Jared wants more than he's ever wanted anything.

Luckily, the waiter returns a few moments later and pulls Jared out of his reverie before he does something crazy like getting down on one knee and asking Jensen to marry him. He firmly shakes his head when the waiter offers to pour him another glass of wine; he's had more than enough of that already.

He does pour himself a glass of water though to go with his cheesecake, in the hope that it'll help sober him up a little. He's got another night of octopus!Jensen ahead of him, and he really needs a level head to handle that.

God, his life is so weird right now. But he, quite honestly, wouldn't have it any other way; if this is the only way he gets to have Jensen in his life, then he'll take it, aching heart and all. Huffing out a laugh, he turns his attention to the cheesecake in front of him and takes a bite. 

Fuck, that's good.

'Wow, this is fantastic, Jen, you have to try it.' Jared cuts a piece of cheesecake with his folk and holds it out to Jensen. It's reflex really, to share his dessert. It's what he always does on dates. 

He's _not_ on a date, though, he reminds himself for the hundredth time, but before he can pull the fork back and apologise, Jensen leans forward and wraps his plush lips around it.

And Jared just stares.

Then Jensen gives a little moan as he swallows the cheesecake down and licks his lips, making Jared suddenly very glad he chose to wear his looser slacks tonight, because that was pretty much the most pornagraphic thing he has ever seen in his life. 

'God, that _is_ amazing. What flavour did you say it was again?'

Jared scrambles for an answer as his brain unhelpfully replays the sound Jensen just made again and again in his head, and he eventually manages to stutter out, 'Chocolate. Um...triple chocolate fudge, I think?'

Jensen licks his lips again, and Jared has to suppress a moan of his own at the sight. 'Do you want some more?' 

He doesn't know what possesses him to say it, he's pretty sure he wouldn't survive watching Jensen eat another piece, but maybe he's just that much of a masochist because he's already leaning forward to cut another piece when Jensen says, 'No, no, really. Now I'm done. You finish it off.' Jared hides his immense disappointment by shovelling the rest of the cheesecake into his mouth. 

*****

They're just about to leave when the band starts to play one of Jared's absolute favourite songs, and a grin instantly spreads across his face. 'I love this song, let's dance,' he says, getting to his feet and reaching out a hand towards Jensen. 

Jensen's eyes dart around the room, looking at the other tables, as he says, 'No-one else is dancing, Jared.' But he takes Jared's hand anyway, and Jared's stupid, _definitely_ masochistic heart gives a little flutter as Jensen lets Jared pull him to his feet. 

'That's because they need someone to show them how it's done,' Jared says with a wink, walking Jensen over to the empty dance floor in the centre of the room.

'I don't know...' Jensen says, cheeks going a little pink as faces all over the restaurant start to turn towards them.

So Jared does the only thing he can think of to change Jensen's mind and put him at ease: he starts to dance. He lets the music flow through him, the beat rising up through the soles of his feet, guiding him. This is something he knows. This is something he's really good at. Something he _loves_.

And it's something he didn't know till right now that he wants to share with Jensen. 

It doesn't take long for other couples to start joining them, or for the band to raise the volume of their instruments, and as soon as the fourth couple takes to the floor, Jared holds out his hand again to Jensen and says, 'Dance with me.'

Jensen's face is still flushed, but there's a smile on his lips when he takes Jared's hand and lets him draw him close. 'You're insane,' he breathes, as he places his other hand on Jared's shoulder.

Jared just waggles his eyebrows at him, and sets about proving him wrong. Or right? Jensen _does_ make him crazy, after all. 

Either way, Jared's determined to show Jensen a good time tonight if it kills him. Hopefully not though, because it would totally suck not getting to enjoy the rest of the weekend with Jensen, and because, like he said, he's _good_ at this. He took dance lessons until he was 21 and still toying with the idea of trying his luck in Hollywood, before he decided that that wasn't what he really wanted. In those years, he learned pretty much every dance there is, and came up with a few of his own. 

The next two hours see him twirling Jensen, dipping him, and even lifting him up when he can get away with it, and by the time the musicians finally start to pack up, Jensen's grinning, sweaty and out of breath, and, most importantly, _happy_.

'Come on,' Jared says, grabbing Jensen's hand again: he can't seem to stop doing that. Every time he loses holds of it, he feels lost. Like he needs to find it again in order to find himself. And he guesses that's true enough, since he has never felt so 'found' as he does right now, with Jensen by his side.

*****


	8. Chapter Eight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year, everyone! I hope you all have a wonderful 2019!! <333

**Chapter Eight.**

They run out of the dining room and into the corridor outside, still hand in hand. The lights are dimmed now, and there's hardly anyone around - not hugely surprising since it's nearly midnight - which is perfect for what Jared's planning.

The pool has a 'closed' sign hanging on its door when they reach it, and Jared gives the hallway one last cursory look to make sure it's clear before forcing himself to drop Jensen's hand - they're here now, so he doesn't have an excuse to keep holding it, other than because he desperately wants to, which even he knows isn't really a valid reason - and going to his knees so he can pick the lock. 

'Jared, what are you doing??' Jensen hisses in a panicked whisper just as Jared feels the lock give, and he gets up to push the door open. Jensen sounds shocked, and Jared would like to think a little impressed too, when he says, 'Where on earth did you learn how to do that??'

Jared looks over his shoulder as he walks into the pool, a sly smile curling his lips. 'Let's just chalk it up to a misspent youth, yeah?'

Jensen's laugh is a little nervous, but he doesn't hesitate to follow Jared inside. 'We really shouldn't be doing this, Jared.'

'Come on, Jen, live a little. What's the worst that can happen? They throw us out when we're leaving tomorrow anyway?'

'I...haven't even got my trunks.'

Jared shrugs. 'You wearing boxers?'

'Of course!' Jensen says, sounding adorably scandalised, and, God, would Jared love to introduce him to the idea of going commando. Or maybe a nice pair of panties; he knows Jensen would look just stunning in lace.

Which is an image he absolutely does _not_ need in his head right now, not when he's about to get semi-naked, so he hurriedly pushes it away and focuses back on the subject at hand. Convincing Jensen to strip down...

_Goddammit._

'Then just take everything else off, and you'll be good to go. No different from your bathing suit really,' Jared replies, voice a little too rough, a little too deep, as he undoes his own zipper and pushes his pants down, praying that Jensen doesn't notice how turned on he sounds. 

He doesn't dare look over at Jensen as he shrugs off his shirt - he's pretty sure if he does, Jensen's gonna see everything he feels written all over his face, which would be a total disaster - and makes his way over to the hot tub and climbs in. 

It's heaven, no other way to describe it, and he closes his eyes for a moment to relish the swirl of hot water around him. Lets it leach the tension from his muscles, and calm his racing pulse, before finally allowing himself to look over at Jensen.

Who's just in the process of taking his own shirt off. Jared knows he should look away, knows this is a Bad Idea, but he can't seem to get his eyes to obey his brain. Just like in their massage session, just like at dinner, just like every time he and Jensen are in the same room, Jensen has Jared in his thrall once again, only this time it's so much worse. Because here, Jared can see everything: Jensen's strong, slightly bowed thighs, his flat chest and pretty pink nipples, his narrow waist and flat stomach, fuck...he can even see the outline of Jensen's soft dick through his tight black boxer briefs. 

His own, not so soft dick stirs at the sight, and Jared's just thankful that it's safely hidden under the water where Jensen can't see it. The thought of getting caught, and Jensen ending this _thing_ between them, is daunting enough to finally snap Jared back to reality though, and he finally manages to tear his eyes away.

He relaxes back against the side of the tub, taking a few deep breaths, and can't help but think how peaceful it is in here at night. With the overhead lights off, the room is lit only by the lamps under the water and by the moonlight shining in through the glass ceiling, bathing the room in a soft blue hue that leaves Jared feeling loose and languid against the tiles beneath him. 

A low, rustling noise breaks the silence then, and Jared rolls his head lazily towards it before he can stop himself. He watches as Jensen, moon-kissed and beautiful, settles into the water, and Jared is so in love with him, it actually hurts. A deep seated ache in his chest for what _could_ be, but won't ever be, that has him biting his cheek and squeezing his eyes shut before he says something he can't take back. 

'Jay?'

'Hmmm?' Jared replies, not opening his eyes.

'I just wanna thank you again for doing all this. I don't know why you would, whether it was out of pity or whatever, but I've had the most amazing time today, so...thanks.'

Wait...what??

That can't possibly be what Jensen really thinks?? That people only spend time with him out of pity?? And not because he's this wonderful, intelligent, thoughtful person that Jared's been in love with pretty much since they first met.

No. No, that is _it_. Jared is _done_ with letting Jensen think that way about himself. He's _done_ letting Jeff stamp out every last bit of Jensen's spark.

Slowly, he opens his eyes and sits up. 'I'm not here out of pity, Jensen.' Jensen's brow furrows, like he can't imagine any other explanation. 'God, you really have no idea, do you?' He shakes his head and just...takes the plunge. 'I'm here because I _love_ you, Jensen. I'm _in love_ with you.'

Jensen actually gasps at the declaration, his eyes going wide as he stares at Jared. 'Jared, I don't...you can't...are you messing with me??' His eyes go a little hurt then, and it breaks Jared's heart just a tiny bit more thinking what Jensen must've been through. What his life must be like. If Jeff was here right now, Jared would punch him right in his smug mouth.

'No, Jen, I'm not messing with you. I was never going to tell you because you're married, and you don't feel the same way. But I couldn't listen to you talk about yourself like that anymore. Not when...you're absolutely everything to me. Not when, to me, you're completely perfect.'

Jensen's still staring at him with those wide, shocked eyes, and the blue light painting his pale skin gives him an almost otherworldly look. Making Jared desperately want to lean over and touch him: run a finger across Jensen's cheekbone; sweep his thumb across his full lips; press a kiss to the tip of his nose.

'What if...what if I _did_ feel the same way?'

Jared does a double take. 'What?'

'I...I tried so hard not to fall for you, but ever since that night in the restaurant, I've been head over heels. But you work for Jeff, and it's not fair of me to-'

Jared's hands instantly shoot up to cup Jensen's cheeks. 'Did you not hear what I just said? I don't care about Jeff, I don't care about the job...I only care about you.' 

Jensen bites his lip for a moment, before slowly leaning forward, clearly aiming for a kiss.

'Wait!' Jared says at the last second. Jensen flinches back hard enough to make the water slosh violently around them, pulling his face out of Jared's grip and looking at Jared like he just slapped him.

_Dammit. Good job, Jared._

'Look, I really do want to kiss you. Trust me, it's all I've been able to think about for weeks. Months even. But there's something I need to tell you first. I've put off telling you 'cause I knew it would hurt you, but I don't want there to be any secrets between us.' He takes a deep breath. 'Jeff's cheating on you.'

'I know.' 

Jared blinks in shock; that's the second time Jensen's wrong-footed him in the last two minutes. 'You know??'

Jensen nods. 'Well, he's not exactly subtle about it. He barely even bothers to hide it anymore.'

'But if you know, why in god's name are you still with him??' Jared asks, completely incredulous. He can't believe that Jensen knows. That's he's known all this time, and done nothing about it. It just doesn't make any sense.

'Because he _does_ love me, Jared, and I...I'd have nothing if I left him. All our bank accounts, our house, our car, are in his name, 'cause I was too stupid, too in love, when I got married to see why that might be a problem. And,' he drops his gaze, thick, dark lashes brushing his cheeks, 'what if it's just...me? What if I find someone else, and soon enough, just like with Jeff, I'm not enough to keep them happy, and they have to go looking for someone else too. So I'm back in the exact same situation again, but with even less than I had before?? And I don't think...I don't think I could bear to have that happen to me again with someone new. Watching someone grow tired of you,' his jaw clenches and his voice is so sad, it's hurts Jared's heart to hear it, 'is one of the worst things in the entire world.'

The way Jensen's voice cracks on the last word has Jared reaching across and pulling him into his arms before he's even really thought about it. 'God, Jensen, it's not you. It's not you at all. You couldn't be boring if you tried.' He draws Jensen in tighter when he feels Jensen's arms hesitantly wrap around his waist. 'It's all Jeff. He's one of those guys who won't ever be satisfied, no matter how amazing his partner is, no matter how much money he has, no matter how high up his job goes. He'll always want more. I'm just sorry he met you before I did, because, Jen, if you were my husband, I'd cherish you every fucking day.'

Jensen pulls away a little then to look up at Jared, and their faces are so close that Jared doesn't think twice before catching Jensen's lips in a kiss. It's incredible how good it feels to finally be doing this after weeks of just dreaming about it; it's incredible how well they fit together. 

And it only gets better when Jensen climbs into Jared's lap, barely breaking the kiss for even a moment as he settles his ass on Jared's thighs under the water. 

Jared's hands slide almost unconsciously down Jensen's sides to cup said ass, and Jensen lets out a low, slutty moan before breathing, 'I can't believe we're doing this,' against Jared's lips.

And neither can Jared, but that doesn't stop him from using his grip on Jensen to drag him even closer and rub their cocks together. Jensen finally does break the kiss then, gasping as he throws his head back, revealing the long, smooth column of his throat, which Jared doesn't hesitate to set his mouth to. Kissing and licking and sucking at the pale flesh as Jensen all but writhes in his lap. 'Jared, Jared, fuck...'

'What do you want, baby?' Jared asks between kisses, nuzzling at Jensen's throat.

'I want...I want you,' Jensen whispers, looking down at Jared again, his eyes bright even in the darkness of the room.

Jared can't help but smile as he takes one hand off Jensen's ass so he can cup his cheek instead. 'You've got me.'

'No, I mean,' Jensen licks his lips and Jared barely resists the urge to kiss them again, 'I want _all_ of you.' And as if that wasn't explicit enough, he grinds his ass down meaningfully against Jared's hard dick, and Jared's eyes roll back in his head.

Fuck.

When he's finally managed to gather his brain cells together again, he says, 'Are you sure? We don't have to rush this; we have all the time in the world.' His dick doesn't really agree, his dick very much wants inside the tight ass grinding against it, but Jared refuses to let it do his thinking for him. He refuses to be like Jeff, treating Jensen like his own personal sex toy. Jensen deserves more than that; he deserves the world, and Jared is going to do everything in his power to give it to him.

He's more than a little surprised when Jensen laughs. 'Rush??' he says, smiling and looking so happy, Jared finds himself automatically smiling back. 'You have no idea how long I've wanted this, Jared. Believe me.' He leans in close then, mouth right by Jared's ear as he adds, 'I've been fucking myself for weeks imagining it was you. I'm so beyond ready for the real thing.'

His cheeks are tinged a little pink when he eases back, but there's no regret or uncertainty on his face so Jared nods and says, 'Okay, let me just...dammit, where did I put my wallet?? I know I've got some stuff in there.'

'Don't worry about it; you don't need that,' Jensen says with a shrug - that Jared only just catches out of the corner of his eye - not making any move to get off Jared's lap.

Jared instantly stops searching the room for wherever he dumped his pants and returns his attention fully to Jensen. Jensen's not looking at him anymore, eyes downcast, and Jared knows, he just _knows_ , that what Jensen just offered isn't something he really wants. It's something he thinks he _has_ to offer because it's what's always expected of him.

Jared feels a wave of anger and disgust roll through him so strong, he's almost shaking with it, but he forces it down - anger isn't going to help here, especially when the object of his rage isn't even here for him to take it out on - as he raises Jensen's chin. 'I'm not fucking you without lube, Jen. If there's none in my wallet, I'll just run up to the room, okay?'

'I don't want you to have to go to any trouble, that's all,' Jensen replies, his eyes now darting around the room, anywhere to avoid looking at Jared. 'I really don't mind.'

'Well, _I_ do. This isn't just about me, Jensen. This is about the both of us,' he says, and his heart aches at having to explain this to someone as old as Jensen. Who's been in a relationship, been _married_ , for years, but somehow still doesn't know that sex is about both the people involved. 

_I don't want you to have to go to any trouble._ Seriously, Jared is going to kill Jeff when they get home, because what the fuck?? 

Despite his anger, he makes sure to keep his touch gentle as he slides Jensen from his lap so he can climb out of the jacuzzi and search his pants. He quickly finds his wallet, thanking God that there's a condom and a small sachet of lube shoved inside one of the compartments.

He grabs them both before tossing the wallet and pants onto the floor and hurrying back to the hot tub. 

Only to find Jensen staring down at his hands again, a frown marring his perfect features. So Jared does the only thing he can think of: he places the condom and lube on the side of the tub before lowering himself back into water and pulling Jensen close. 

Jensen lets himself be pulled, curling up against Jared and burying his face in Jared's neck. 'I ruined it, didn't I?' Before Jared can reply and reassure him that he hasn't, Jensen continues in that harsh, self-loathing tone Jared really hates, 'I'm so sorry...I just...I'll try to do better, I promise.'

Jared presses a kisses to the top of Jensen's head and lets out a deep breath into his soft hair. 'You didn't ruin anything, baby. And I don't want you to be better; I just want you to be you.'

Jensen raises his head so he can look Jared in the eyes as he says, 'I'm so-'

Jared cuts him off with another kiss. Short and sweet, and nothing like their earlier kisses, but it does the job because when Jared leans back, there's a small smile curving Jensen's lips. 'And no more apologising, okay?' Jared says, stroking a thumb across Jensen's cheek. 'You've got _nothing_ to be sorry for.'

Jensen sighs and relaxes against Jared's side, resting his head on Jared's shoulder while Jared loops an arm around his waist and uses his other hand to turn on the jets. Jensen lets out a surprised little gasp as the water bubbles to life around them. 'Oh my god, you could've warned me,' he says with a laugh and a playful slap to Jared's chest, 'I was _sitting_ on one.'

Chuckling, Jared shifts slightly to the side, dragging Jensen with him and away from the offending jet. 'Sorry, babe,' he says, running his hand apologetically across Jensen's ribs under the water. They're quiet for a few more minutes, both of them just enjoying the warm, swirling water around them, enjoying being pressed together like this, before Jared feels Jensen's lips on his shoulder.

Turning his head slightly, he watches Jensen press small kisses to his heated skin. 'Jen-' he starts to say, but his voice chokes off abruptly when Jensen's hand drops onto his crotch and wraps around his half hard dick through his shorts. 

'I still want...' Jensen mouthes into Jared skin. 'Can I...can we?'

Jensen's looking up at him with wide, pleading eyes, and Jared isn't made of stone. He searches Jensen's face for any unease, any hint of indecision, but finds nothing but need and hunger, and dare he say it, love, shining back at him, so he nods...and immediately finds himself with a lapful of Jensen once more. 

'Careful,' he says with a fond smile. The last thing they need is for Jensen to fall and crack his head open on the tiles, so they have to spend the rest of the weekend in the ER. He settles his hands on Jensen's hips to keep him steady, just in case, as Jensen leans over to grab the lube.

Jared watches Jensen tear open the lube sachet with his teeth - which really shouldn't be hot, but totally is - watches him slick up two of his fingers and slide them under the water. The bubbles sadly prevent Jared from seeing what Jensen's fingers are doing, so he diverts his attention to Jensen's face instead. Stares transfixed as Jensen's eyes flutter closed and he bites his lip...as he rocks back on his hand, opening himself up for Jared.

'Fuck,' Jared breathes, unable to keep from reaching out and touching Jensen, his hands moving restlessly over anything he can reach: Jensen's neck, his chest, his stomach. There's too much choice; it's all too tempting, he doesn't know where to begin. But when his thumb flicks absently over Jensen's nipple, and it elicits a sharp gasp from the other man, Jared decides to start there.

Sitting up, he closes his lips around Jensen's right nipple, licking and sucking and biting, and enjoying all the filthy moans it pulls from Jensen. It's not long before Jensen straightens and says in a breathless, heated whisper, 'Okay, I...I'm ready.' He scrambles for the condom on the side of the tub and tears it open, before his hands disappear under the water again. 

And onto Jared's dick, pulling it through the slit in his boxers and rolling the condom onto him. It feels so good to have Jensen's hands finally on him, that Jared can't resist thrusting up just a little into them. Unfortunately, the movement dislodges Jensen's hand and the condom slides right off him again, resulting in Jensen giving him such an utterly mortified look that Jared can't help laughing. Which, of course, sends Jensen into a fit of giggles as well. 

'I...can't believe that just happened,' Jensen says, body still shaking with laughter as he snatches up the wayward condom and tries to fit it on Jared again. But it's just not happening. The water is making everything too slippery and it keeps sliding off.

'Leave it,' Jared says eventually, despite finding Jensen's intense concentration as he tries to work the condom on for a fifth time kind of adorable. 'It's not gonna work. Not in here.'

Jensen purses his lips for a moment, before tossing the condom back on the side and saying, 'I'm clean...I get myself checked every few months 'cause of Jeff and his,' he waves a hand vaguely in the air so he doesn't have to say it. 'I just got tested last week, and Jeff and I haven't...we haven't had sex since then. I promise.'

And that's good enough for Jared. He knows Jensen would cut off his own arm before he lied to Jared about something this important. Jared doesn't make a habit of having unprotected sex - in fact, he can count on one hand the number of times he's done it - but he _trusts_ Jensen, more than he has ever trusted anyone else in his life. 'Okay,' he says, 'I'm clean too.' He gets checked as well. And while his last check up was about six months ago, he hasn't had sex with anyone since he met Jensen. Hasn't wanted to.

Jensen's face breaks out in a wide grin and he surges forward to catch Jared's lips in another kiss. As they're kissing, Jared feels one of Jensen's hands on his dick again, lining him up with Jensen's entrance, and his own hands instinctively tighten on Jensen's hips when the head of his cock presses inside. Holding him still while they both adjust.

'Fuck,' Jensen breathes, forehead dropping forward to rest against Jared's. 'Fuck, Jared, you're huge.'

'You okay?' Jared asks, bringing one hand up to stroke soothingly down the curve of Jensen's spine. He knows he's big, and this is never not going to hurt a little at first, no matter how much lube and prep they use. Jensen nods anyway though, and starts to slide down further onto him, so Jared quickly uses the grip he has on Jensen's waist to stop him. 'Slow,' he says, forcing Jensen to look him in the eye. 'Take it slow, okay?'

Jensen seems to take his advice because he does go slowly after that, almost torturously so, and Jared has to keep picturing Chad in his underwear in order to not shoot his load too early, before Jensen's ass finally, _finally_ , settles on his thighs.

The look of immense relief that passes over Jensen's face then tells Jared that that was as difficult for him as it was for Jared, so Jared leans forward to press a kiss to the hollow of Jensen's throat. As a reward or as an apology, he's not quite sure which...maybe a little of both. 

Either way, the action seems to spur Jensen on, and he starts rocking gently on Jared's dick inside him, obviously getting used to the feeling of being so full. 

So full of _Jared_...god.

And it's not long before Jensen's thighs tense against his and he starts to lift up, dragging his hole deliciously up Jared's dick, before dropping back down and engulfing it in tight, clinging heat again. There's not a hint of discomfort on his face now, just heat and passion, so Jared doesn't think twice about thrusting up hard whenever Jensen rocks down. Doesn't hesitate to grip Jensen's hips and guide his movements faster and harder.

He senses the moment his dick brushes Jensen's prostate in the way Jensen's whole body jerks against him, tightens around him, and he makes sure to hold that position as he pulls Jensen back onto him again and again and again...until Jensen suddenly tenses in his arms, coming before Jared even gets a hand on his cock. 

And, fuck, if that's not the hottest thing Jared has ever experienced...

Jared doesn't last long after that, not with Jensen tightening so deliciously around him, and he doesn't even try to hold back when he feels his orgasm creeping up his spine. Just lets it crash through him and fill Jensen up. 

He relaxes back against the side of the hot tub once it's over, wrapping his arms firmly around Jensen who's slumped against him, boneless and content.

And Jared would be very happy to stay here all night, inside Jensen and wrapped around him all at once, but then he hears the rattling of a door, and his head whips round towards it. 'Shit,' he whispers, and Jensen sits up instantly in his lap. 'Come on, we need to go.'

They scramble out of the tub as quietly as possible, and start collecting their things and getting redressed. Jared gets a quick glimpse of his come leaking out Jensen's hole when Jensen hurriedly bends over to shove his wet boxers all the way down his legs and off, and the sight makes Jared's spent dick throb as he removes his own shorts. He can't help it...that image is just...too much. Normally, he tries really hard not to go all caveman on his boyfriends, but there's a part of him, a fairly big part of him if he's honest, that feels like Jensen is his now. He's claimed Jensen as his own, and nothing Jeff can do - no marriage certificate, no rings, no vows - is ever going to change that in Jared's mind. 

Smiling, he reaches out a hand to Jensen, which Jensen readily takes. Yeah, Jensen's his now, and he's never giving him up. Not now, not ever.

*****


	9. Chapter Nine.

**Chapter Nine.**

The next few weeks are a whirlwind of secret dates and hidden rendezvous whenever Jared can manage to sneak away from work. He'd almost feel bad about it, given how he sees Jeff every day, smiles at him, makes small talk with him, just like he did before, if Jeff weren't so damn oblivious to it all. Too caught up in his own cheating - and too self-assured that Jensen will always be there waiting for him, no matter how badly Jeff treats him - to notice his husband's infidelity.

And that's just fine with Jared, because he can see how happy Jensen is. Happier than he's ever seen him, and it's all because of Jared. It's all because of them. There's no way something that feels this right could be wrong.

'Okay, okay,' Jared says, peering down at the cards in his hand. This isn't going how he planned...at all. When the idea of playing strip poker with Jensen had first entered his mind, he'd imagined Jensen sitting across from him, buck naked and looking deliciously fuckable. As it is, _Jared's_ the one down to his boxers and one sock, and Jensen miraculously hasn't lost a single item of clothing yet. Which doesn't make any sense. Jared's _good_ at poker, always has been, but he's somehow managed to lose every single hand they've played so far. 'Are you cheating?' Jared asks, flicking his eyes up to Jensen's for a second before looking back down at his cards. 'Cause he's gotta be, for Jared to be losing this badly.

Jensen smirks, licking his lips, and just like that, Jared loses track of what he was thinking. Okay, maybe _that's_ got something to do with it. Jensen's just too damn distracting for Jared to focus, and judging by the smug look on Jensen's face, he freaking knows it too. 

'You know what...fuck it,' Jared says suddenly, tossing his cards over his shoulder and jumping to his feet.

Jensen barely even has time to drop his own cards on the table before Jared's dragging him to his feet and kissing him. He doesn't waste any time hooking his hands under Jensen's thighs and pulling him into his arms so he can walk them to the bedroom.

'We not gonna play anymore then?' Jensen grins between kisses. 'I was enjoying that.'

'I bet you were,' Jared replies. 'Enjoying teasing me and watching me squirm, right?' Jensen doesn't even try to deny it as his grin widens, and Jared can't help but love how much more confident Jensen's become in the few short weeks they've been together. Loves that he's finally realised exactly what he _does_ to Jared. 'Well, you're gonna enjoy this even more,' he says, carrying Jensen into his bedroom and tossing him onto the bed, before quickly climbing onto the mattress with him.

Jensen's grin has softened now, and the teasing look in his eyes has turned heated. Jared hopes he never gets used to that - Jensen staring up at him like he wants Jared more than he wants to breathe - and promises, right there and then, to never take it for granted.

He captures Jensen's lips in another kiss as he worms his hand between their bodies and opens Jensen's fly. The needy, desperate moan Jensen makes when Jared's fingers close around him has Jared's own dick throbbing inside his boxers, begging for attention, but he ignores it in favour of jacking Jensen's cock. Hard and fast, using the copious amount of pre-come Jensen's leaking to slick the way.

'Jared, God...Jared, please,' Jensen pants against Jared's lips. He's pushing up into Jared's grip now, legs falling open around Jared's body. 'Don't stop, don't...'

'Not planning on, baby,' Jared assures him, tightening his hand around Jensen's dick and jerking him off even faster.

It doesn't take long for Jensen to come after that, and he does so with a choked off gasp, fingers digging into Jared's shoulders, knees clamped around Jared's hips.

Jared moves to wipe his come-covered hand on his boxers, but Jensen quickly grabs it and brings it up to his lips instead. Sucking each digit into his mouth as he stares up at Jared with hooded eyes. 'Fuck...' Jared whispers under his breath as he watches Jensen lick his hand clean. 

'Exactly,' Jensen replies with a smirk, guiding Jared's hand back into the open V of his jeans. 

'You sure?' Jared asks, because being in a relationship with Jensen is a little like walking across a minefield at times. Jeff has done so much more damage than Jared initially realised, and he downright refuses to hurt Jensen even more. 

Jensen nods and pushes Jared's hand further inside. 'Want you.' That, and the utterly wanton noise he makes when Jared's fingers graze his entrance through his boxers, is proof enough for Jared, and he immediately gets up from the bed to grab the bottle of lube he keeps in his nightstand.

By the time he's back, Jensen's rid himself of his jeans and boxers, and Jared has to take a moment to centre himself to keep from coming on the spot at the sight of Jensen lying, half naked and spread out for him, on his bed.

'Please,' Jensen breathes, eyes dark and legs parted in blatant invitation. An invitation Jared eagerly accepts as he manoeuvres himself between Jensen's bowed thighs.

'I love you,' he says against Jensen's lips before kissing him again. Jensen lets out a whimper that Jared suspects has more to do with his words than what his mouth is doing; he's never met anyone as intimacy-starved as Jensen, so he makes sure to tell Jensen exactly what he means to him as often as possible. Especially when they're making love. 

Jensen opens his mouth to, Jared suspects, say it back, but cuts off in a gasp when Jared presses a lube slick finger into him. His head slams back onto the pillow when Jared curls his finger and presses against his sweet spot, cursing as he grinds his ass down onto Jared's hand. It's a beautiful sight, and Jared has, on more than one occasion, kept Jensen like this for hours, nudging him closer and closer to orgasm with just his fingers, before finally sending him over the edge. And then, as Jensen comes down from that high, starting all over again.

But that's not what Jared's got planned for tonight. Jensen wants all of Jared, and Jared could never, _would_ never, deny him anything. So he wastes no time slicking up a second finger and working it in alongside his first, stretching Jensen more and more with every thrust of his fingers, until he can comfortably fit four fingers inside him.

'I'm ready,' Jensen says eventually. 'Please, Jared, I...I need you. Don't wanna come again without you inside me.' God, that's hot. Jensen begging, _pleading_ , for his cock. 'Please...'

Nodding shakily, Jared pulls his fingers free and lubes up his dick. 'I've got you,' he promises, as he pushes himself into Jensen's ass. 'I've got you, baby.'

The little hitched breath that slips past Jensen's lips as Jared pops inside is almost enough to have Jared shooting his load before they've even started, but he just about manages to hold off, biting his cheek hard as he works his way further in. 

'God, you're so perfect,' he says with a sigh, inching closer until he's completely inside, then dropping his forehead against Jensen's as he holds himself still to give Jensen time to adjust. 

Complete. That's how he feels when he and Jensen are together. Complete, and whole, and happier than he can ever remember being.

Jensen shifts beneath him after a few moments, squirming on Jared's cock as he breathes a low, 'Move, Jared.' Jared doesn't need to be told twice, especially when his control is already paper thin, stretched to the limit, like it always is when he's around Jensen, and he immediately pulls back then drives back in.

It doesn't take more than a couple of thrusts for him to find the right angle, he knows Jensen better than he's ever known anyone, and Jensen's soon reduced to desperate moans and strung out whimpers as Jared fucks him hard and fast. His fingers dig into Jared's shoulders, like he's trying to hold on, like he's trying not to fly apart, and Jared just fucks him harder, wanting him to do just that. To lose himself in what they're doing. Jared will be there to catch him. Jared will _always_ be there to catch him.

Jensen comes with a cry that only spurs Jared on, fucking him through it, drawing out his orgasm for as long as possible, before his own slams into him. 'God, Jensen,' he bites out as his body goes taut. 'God...'

His arms are shaking with the exertion of holding himself up so he doesn't crush Jensen by the time he's done, and his heart is still pounding hard against his ribcage as he gently pulls out of his boyfriend and slumps down on the bed next to him.

Jensen immediately curls up against his side, resting his head on Jared's shoulder, and Jared smiles as he wraps an arm around him. 

'I wish we could stay here forever,' Jensen says quietly after a few moments, tracing his finger across Jared's chest.

Jared catches his hand and presses a kiss to his fingertips. 'We could?' He says it tentatively, already knowing what Jensen's answer will be. It's not like they haven't talked about this a hundred times already. Jared has offered to take Jensen away from all this so many times, but Jensen always turns him down, and Jared still doesn't understand _why_. He gets that Jensen's scared, starting a new life is always scary, but he has to know that Jared will take care of him. And certainly take care of him better than Jeff ever will.

As expected, Jensen rolls away until he's lying on his back, and Jared barely resists the urge to drag him back in. If Jensen needs his space, Jared will give it to him, even if he hates to do so. 'We can't,' he sighs, again offering no explanation as to exactly why they can't. And before Jared can press him on it, he sits up and swings his legs over the edge of the bed. His head is bowed as he adds, 'I want to, Jared, you have no idea how much I want to, but...we just...we can't.'

Jared reaches out a hand to touch Jensen's back, but it meets empty air when Jensen stands up abruptly and makes his way towards the bathroom, leaving Jared alone on the bed frowning after him.

*****


	10. Chapter Ten.

**Chapter Ten.**

**Jensen.**

Jensen's still smiling when he finally closes the door behind Jared and wanders upstairs to get changed for dinner. He can't believe they spent the whole afternoon at the park, just walking through the overgrown grass, hand in hand. That's all - well, that and a little roughhousing with Jared's adorable dogs...and a little roughhousing with Jared himself - and it was still one of the best days of Jensen's life. It's crazy how good just being with Jared feels, how easily they can talk, how easily they can _not_ talk.

Pushing open the bedroom door, he freezes when he sees Jeff sitting on their bed. It's only four o'clock; Jeff should still be at work for at least another hour.

Panic rises up inside Jensen like a wave, even as he tries to tell himself that Jeff can't possibly know how he spent the afternoon. Or about his affair with Jared...or that Jensen's seriously considering leaving Jeff for him. He _can't_ know. 

Except...as he stares at Jeff, speechless and caught out, he's absolutely positive that he does. 

'Nice afternoon?' Jeff asks, rising from the bed. When he's close enough, he reaches out and swipes his thumb across Jensen's cheek, and Jensen can't help but flinch. 'Grass stain.'

'Oh, oh, right, yeah, I...I went out to the garden centre to get us some more-'

'Don't,' Jeff barks suddenly, and Jensen's mouth snaps shut, 'lie to me, Jensen. I know exactly where you were and who you were with.'

Jensen's stomach drops out at that. Hurting Jensen is one thing; he deserves it, he's the one who cheated, after all. He knew what the consequences would be if they were to ever get caught. But hurting Jared - damaging his career irreparably when he's just getting started, like Jeff could so easily do - is unthinkable. 'It was all my fault,' he blurts, hoping that he can direct the brunt of Jeff's anger towards himself, so Jared and his career, his bright, bright future, can get out of this unscathed. 'I talked him into it.'

'Hmmmm,' Jeff says, voice almost eerily calm, 'okay.' Jensen breathes a sigh of relief, only for it to choke him when Jeff adds, 'But it ends now. I have a reputation to uphold, Jensen, and people have _seen_ you with him, for fuck's sake. They've asked me who he is, and I can't have that. So this is it; it's over. I won't fire Jared, or blacklist him, as long as you end it.'

Jensen's eyes start to water as he stares up at Jeff, and he can't help but reply, 'But...but you...I _know_ you've had affairs, Jeff. You clearly don't love me anymore either. Maybe we're...maybe we should talk about getting a divorce?'

The slap catches Jensen so by surprise, it takes a few moments for the pain to even register. But when it finally does, he looks up at Jeff with wide, hurt eyes - they might've had their problems, but Jeff has _never_ raised a hand to him before - completely speechless as he reaches up to cradle his stinging cheek.

'That's not happening, Jensen,' Jeff says in a stern voice. 'So you can get it out of your head right now. You're my husband, mine. We took vows, and that might not mean much to you, but it means a lot to me, and it means a lot to my family.' He takes a step back and smoothes out his suit before continuing, 'Now go get cleaned up; you look an absolute state. Our guests are arriving at eight, and you need to have pulled yourself together by then.'

Jeff brushes past him on his way out of the room, and Jensen sways a little on his feet. 'And I do love you, Jen. None of them mean anything. But Jared...' he trails off, but they both know what he was going to say.

 _But Jared means everything to you._

*****

Jensen arrives at the cafe a good half an hour before the time he arranged to meet Jared, ensuring he's got plenty time to prepare himself for what he has to do. To school his face into an indifferent expression; to push down everything he's feeling so Jared doesn't suspect...so he won't _know_ Jensen's lying through his teeth. 

After checking his watch for what must be the hundredth time - he still has another few minutes - he leans forward to examine his reflection in the napkin dispenser. He looks terrible, pale and drawn and tired, dark circles carving deep into his cheeks under his red-rimmed, bloodshot eyes, but there's not much Jensen can do about that. It's not like he can go back and not cry himself to sleep last night. Or the night before. Or the night before that. 

The cafe bell ringing has Jensen whipping his head towards the door, half hoping, half dreading to see Jared standing there. Part of him wants this over, just wants it done so they can both move on, but another, bigger part of him doesn't want his relationship with Jared to ever end. Doesn't want to put the final nail into the coffin of the greatest love he's ever known. The push and pull of it - the constant war between his brain and his heart - is making him nauseous. 

It's not Jared of course, just some douchebag in sunglasses walking through the doo-

And just like that, inspiration hits him and he quickly digs his own sunglasses out of his pocket. Sure, he'll look even more of a douchebag than that guy, but at least it'll hide his eyes, so they won't give him away. 

Feeling a little more on balance and a lot less exposed, he relaxes back into his seat. He can do this. He can.

Even if he's not quite sure that he wants to. 

No, he does. Jared _needs_ him to do this, even if he doesn't know it. 

The bell rings again then, and Jensen knows without even looking over that it's Jared. He can just feel it. Sweat begins to bead on his brow as his heart speeds in his chest, and he has to take a few deep breaths to keep from bolting. 

But in the end, it's all for nothing anyway, because despite all the precautions Jensen's taken, Jared clearly knows something's up as soon as he sets eyes on Jensen. He sees right through the facade; sees all the broken pieces inside Jensen that he's trying so desperately to hide. Because he knows Jensen better than anyone else ever has. Because he _cares_. So he's barely even sat down before he's reaching across the table for Jensen's hand and asking, 'What's wrong? Baby, talk to me, tell me what happened.'

The 'baby' cuts through Jensen like a knife, and it physically pains him to have to pull his hand back out of range. It takes everything he has not to just break down and tell Jared everything. But he knows he can't. Because he knows Jared will sacrifice his career for Jensen, everything he's worked for, and Jensen can't let him do that. He's not worth it. 

'Jeff and I are going to give it another shot.' Jared's eyes widen, going shocked and hurt, and Jensen barrels on before he loses his nerve, 'He's going to stop seeing other people, and I...I need to stop doing that too. I'm sorry, Jared.' He stands up as soon as he's done and turns to leave. 

He knows he should stay; Jared deserves an explanation...deserves better than this, better than Jensen, period. But Jensen doesn't have it in him. Breaking up with Jared is the hardest thing he's ever had to do, but he knows for sure now that it's also the right thing. Jared doesn't need this shit. He doesn't need someone as weak, someone as pathetic as Jensen dragging him down. 

This is for the best. 

Of course, Jared isn't going to let him get off that easily, and Jensen feels his boyfriend's - _ex_ -boyfriend's - hand close around his wrist before he makes it more than a couple of steps away from the table. 'Jen, stop. God, just stop, okay?'

'I can't...' Jensen says, voice thick as he tears his arm away and makes for the door.

'We need to talk about this.'

'No, Jared, we don't. I've made my decision. I...I'm sorry,' and, God, he _is_...more sorry than Jared will ever know, 'but it's over.' He dances away from Jared's outstretched hand, even though he wants nothing more than to let Jared catch him and reel him back in. Hold him and tell him that everything's going to be alright.

But that would be selfish, and Jensen won't let himself be selfish, not with Jared. 

So as soon as the cool air outside the coffee shop hits his face, he takes off towards his car before his breaking heart can weaken his resolve, before the tears running hard and fast down his cheeks expose him for the liar he is.

_It's for the best._

*****


End file.
